The Winner We're Going to Be Pissed About: The Big Bang Theory, which we saw once on an airplane and turned off half-way through (and that was AFTER watching all of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and crying at the end), is nominated for "Best Television Series - Comedy or Musical" alongside Episodes, Girls, Modern Family and Smash. Where is 30 Rock and Parks & Rec? Why does the Hollywood Foreign Press Association hate TV?
Most likely to Lose But Shouldn't Because He Is One of the Best Actors Ever and If You've Never Watched Deadwood, Oh My God, Watch It: John Hawkes.
Most Likely to Over-Indulge at the Open Bar: Jack Black, who's nominated for a "Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture -- Comedy or Musical" award for his role in Bernie and, given that he's up against Bradley Cooper (Silver Linings Playbook), Hugh Jackman (Les Misérables), Ewan McGregor (Salmon Fishing in the Yemen), and Bill Murray (Hyde Park on Hudson), he'll ... probably not win.
Movie That Will Probably Sweep More Awards Than You Want It To: Lincoln.
Movie Most Likely to Win the Foreign Category and That You Still Haven't Seen But Keep Meaning to See: Amour.
Actors Most Likely to Give an "I'm Just Happy to Be Here" Smile Whenever the Camera Pans to Them: Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt who were both nominated for "Best Actor/Actress in a Motion Picture -- Comedy or Musical" award for Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. Does this movie exist?
Embarrassing Typo on the Golden Globes Website Most Likely to Remain Uncorrected: Leaving out the "c" in "Deschanel."
TV Mini-Series You're Going to Search For On Demand As Soon As the Golden Globes Are Over: BBC America's The Hour. It's like Mad Men-meets-Newsroom meets...Homeland (we think)! We need to DVR it, too!
Renaissance-Man Director Whom Other Directors Are Most Likely to Be Secretly Jealous Of: Tom Tykwer, who co-wrote the score to Cloud Atlas.
Most Likely to Just Be a Coincidence (But What if it Isn't? And What Does it Mean?): Les Mis is the only musical/comedy best picture nominee to have neither a color nor a celestial phenomenon in its title. Other films in this category: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Moonrise Kingdom, Salmon Fishing In the Yemen and Silver Linings Playbook.
Competition Most Likely to Be a Little Awkward: The night's co-hosts, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, are both nominated for "Best Performance By An Actress in A Television Series -- Comedy or Musical."
Mean Nickname We'll Most Likely Give to a Movie While We're Live-Tweeting: "Django Dumbchained." Runner up: "Fartgo."
Person You Will Most Likely See On Screen While the Nominees for Best Actor Are Read and Be Like, "What movie was he in this year?" Richard Gere.
Nominee Who Will Be Having a Great Time Because He Is the Best: Bill Murray.
Nominee Who Won't Show Up: Maggie Smith. She is better than all of us.