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on the front lines of cultural chaos since 1984.

In this weekly column, MC/DJ Hesta Prynn pairs pop culture stories with an original playlist.

It's official! Star Trek director J.J. (Jar Jar?) Abrams will indeed be directing the upcoming Star Wars film. One man now officially holds the keys to both nerd culture franchises at the same damn time. While the dorks tear each other to shreds on the message boards, I decided to take this opportunity to assign some of my favorite Star Wars characters their '90s hip-hop theme songs. Limiting it to five was the hard part, getting excited for the new movie is going to be easy. In a galaxy far far away, I urge the Abrams haters to chill 'til the next episode.


1. Han Solo: Q-Tip, "Viv'rant Thing"

If Star Wars had hip-hop superlatives, Han Solo would win Most Likely to Release a Solo Album Pre-Maturely Much to the Chagrin of His Bandmates. Q-Tip's smooth, impossible-not-to-love first single is just right for the man who is clearly the suavest character in the universe. This song would play the first time Han Solo kicks it to Princess Leia.


2. Darth Vader: Beastie Boys, "Sabotage"

This Sith Lord is literally going H.A.M. at all times. In a pre-Kanye world, choosing a theme song for the greatest villain ever was not easy. Equal parts punk, hardcore and hip-hop, "Sabotage" is perhaps the most aggressive record of the decade -- perfect for the former Jedi knight who fell to the Dark Side.

3. R2-D2: Skee-Lo, "I Wish"

If one were able to successfully translate the blips and bloops that make up this Droid's language, and if one did so in the backdrop of a '90s hip-hop universe, it is certainly within the realm of possibility that he might express the sentiment "I wish I were a little bit taller, I wish I were a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her."



4. Luke Skywalker: Notorious B.I.G., "Juicy"

Star Wars invented the remix on coming of age, and Luke Skywalker is at the center of this. "Juicy" is the anthem for coming up and coming in to your own. Once a bratty boy, Luke accepts his Jedi lineage and fulfills his destiny of beating the Sith. Biggie, too, came from humble beginnings and went on to achieve legendary status.


5. Jabba the Hutt: Big Pun, "Still Not a Player"

Quite obviously the Big Pun of the franchise, Jabba the Hutt illustrates a classic case of "don't hate the player, hate the game." A gangster in the literal sense of the word, Jabba is the Star Wars character who would probably fit into '90s hip-hop culture the best. This timeless NYC classic actually boasts the lyric, "Even Luke be like, 'Don't stop, get it get it!'"

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