We honestly could not think of a more perfect way to spend Valentine's Day, than with the one and only first lady of comedy (and raunch and rudeness) Joan Rivers. 

Laurie Beechman Theatre, 407 W. 42nd St. 8 p.m. $35.

Tonight's installment of the long-running Rejection Show (wherein people perform and talk about, well, things of theirs that have been "rejected), is appropriately love-themed. Wallow in other people's misfortune this evening, as comedians Dave Hill, Sara Benincasa, Tom Shillue and many more regale you with horrific, and no doubt hilarious, relationship-related tales.

Littlefield, 622 Degraw St., Gowanus, Brooklyn. 8 p.m. $8.

Tonight, amazing electro-pop phenom MNDR is manning the decks (before she heads out on tour with the Ting Tings) alongside what will surely be a raucous show by Leah Hennessey and Jesper Mortensen (ex-Junion Senior)'s new glam-rock insanity Make Out.

Pianos (Upstairs), 158 Ludlow St. 8 p.m. Free.