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Are you getting your flu shot? It's the question every nagging mother is asking this time of year. In Duane Reades, Walgreens and makeshift nurse's stations set up in office conference rooms, brave men and women (and germaphopes and hypochondriacs) are rolling up their sleeves and getting pricked in the arm all in the name of staving off the flu. Meanwhile, countless others refuse to partake in the seasonal injections, insisting that the negative side effects outweigh the benefits or that it's all some wacky Big Brother government conspiracy. To answer the question at hand, PAPERMAG asked our completely unqualified panel of medical experts (whose opinions on medical matters should never be trusted) whether or not they'd be getting flu shots this season. 

TERENCE KOH

Are you planning on getting a flu-shot this season?

Yes.

If so, why?/if no, why not?
I like to feel that the world can be made safe.

How do you deal with shots in general?
With a lot of hope.

Terence Koh is an artist.

MICHAEL MUSTO

Are you planning on getting a flu-shot this season?
No, but I'm planning on getting a fabulous new handbag! 

If so, why?/if no, why not?
I have so many more important things to worry about, like low self-esteem and the rising cost of iceberg lettuce.   

How do you deal with shots in general?
 I simply push the person away. How dare they? It hurts -- and I feel it invades my personal space. What do they take me for -- a common junkie?

Michael Musto is a columnist for the Village Voice and author of the recently released book Fork on the Left, Knife in the Back.

JULIE KLAUSNER

Are you planning on getting a flu-shot this season?
I was going to get one on Monday, which is when I see my doctor anyway. Two birds!

If so, why?/if no, why not?
I didn't used to, and then last year there was Swine Flu news, and that was terrifying, because of the word "Swine." It has a lot of Nazi associations for me. Also, everything I think or talk about inevitably leads back to the Holocaust, which makes me fun. Anyway, now I guess I may as well? Also, I'm more concerned about it this year because I had a cold over the summer, which stunk. I used to think summer colds were only for the slovenly, but now I know that is not the case! Because, as you know, I am only bedecked in the starchiest bonnets and the finest finery, day to day! *picks raisin bran flake off of own brassiere* 

How do you deal with shots in general?
 I don't really think about them, unless I think about Jenny McCarthy, in which case I think of any shot, including but not limited to flu shots and all vaccines, as activism against her stupidity. I know you didn't ask me about Jenny McCarthy. I'm sorry I brought her up!

Julie Klausner is a comedy writer, performer, podcaster and author of one of the best books we read in 2010 I Don't Care About Your Band.

LADY BUNNY

Are you planning on getting a flu-shot this season?

I've already gotten mine and haven't had the flu since I started getting them a decade ago.

If so, why?/if no, why not?
I can't afford to be too sick to work and a bad case of flu can leave you bed-ridden for weeks. If I'm traveling somewhere to deejay or perform and ads have been taken out and a deposit paid, I can't just take a sick day like a 9-5er -- even though my shows can be kinda sick. Breathing in the same air as carriers makes it easier to catch so I just don't take chances. I know that some of my more conspiratorial friends claim that the flu shot is a hoax, but my mom is a nurse and recommends it, as did my physician. I remember the year that they were running low on the vaccine and asking people to reserve the limited qualities for kids and seniors. I flipped -- thinking kids and seniors just lie around anyway. I need to work! Until someone told me that the flu could kill them. Whoopsie!

How do you deal with shots in general?
Love them! Jaegermeister is my favorite! But seriously, as long as I don't have to see the needle enter my skin, I'm fine with them. I also don't have any problem taking pills, as you can tell from my make-up!

Lady Bunny is a comedian and DJ, whose new cabaret show, "That Ain't No Lady," goes down every Tuesday in November at Escuelita, 301 W. 39th St.

JOE MANDE

Are you planning on getting a flu-shot this season?
Probably. Although I'm spending most of this winter in Los Angeles, which, as we all know, is a place where no one gets sick.

If so, why?/if no, why not?
If I do get a flu shot it will be because I want my mom to stop nagging me about getting a flu shot.

How do you deal with shots in general?
I am a very courageous person, so getting a shot doesn't faze me in the least. But I do act like a little bitch when I take that band-aid off the next day.

Joe Mande is a comedian, who is on tour with Aziz Ansari, and is also really funny on Twitter.

ANDREW ANDREW

Are you planning on getting a flu-shot this season?
We'd rather not, we prefer champagne, or gin if it's handy.

If so, why?/if no, why not?

We're no enemies of inebriation, but shots are for the youths, we prefer a slower approach to the gutter.

How do you deal with shots in general?
Etiquette dictates that if one is offered a shot one is obliged to imbibe, such are the treacherous waters of society we swim in.

Side note; We only drink rum on islands, lucky for us Manhattan is an island.

A wise man once said, and we may be paraphrasing here: Shots!! Shots!! Shots!! Shots!Shots!Shots!, Shots!! Shots!! Shots!Shots!Shots!, Shots!! Shots!! Shots!Shots!Shots!, Everybody!!!   

Flu Shot  
3  oz  Mount Gay Eclipse Rum     
1/2  oz   John D. Taylor's Velvet Falernum     
1  oz   Sour Mix (Homemade)     
1/2  oz   Lime Juice (fresh)     
2  dashes  Fee Brothers Orange Bitters    
Shake and pour.
Top with club soda.
Garnish with a lime.

Andrew Andrew are an interdisciplinary creative team. They also do insta-reviews of plays for Papermag.com!


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