Boy George Presents Postcards From the Edge of My Bed-lam: A Trip to Ibiza
By Boy George
[Welcome to Boy George's new blog series for PAPERMAG, in which he'll
be writing about anything and everything from time to time. Here, he
discusses a recent trip to Ibiza and the joys of being in an airport at 5 a.m. You can follow him on Twitter at @boygeorge. ]
Airports are stressful places, travel is no longer a breeze, it takes more than a cocktail and a smile these days. You needs guts of steel, especially when you are about to board one of those budget airlines. I'm all for cheap and accessible air travel but it's the lack of love that gets to me. Traveling on these budget airlines is like going to a pound shop and getting a kick in the eye!
We checked in at Gatwick airport around 5 a.m., the young woman at the 'speedy check in' counter was frosty "can you remove your sunglasses." Of course, it was a perfectly reasonable request but there's a way of asking. I felt like saying 'no' just to be childish. Well, it's hard to embody the light at that hour of the morning! Thankfully, most people struggle to "embody the light" or even a grain of humanity at 5 a.m so I wasn't alone. I'm so not a morning person. I must work on that!
The next stage of travel (security) is always the worst. I'm grateful that there are strident security checks but why can't it be done with a smile and why do people insist on wearing belts, watches and heaps of jewellery? It would be much easier if everyone wore stretch pants, flat shoes and kept it simple. I bet the African lady in front of me wished she had chosen a different pair of shoes. she protested in vain when she was asked to remove them. 'I am in bare feet, "I just cannot walk in bare feet", she complained. "Madame, please remove your shoes," she was told again while everyone in the queue rolled their eyes and shuffled on the spot. Eventually she was told to "just go through" but when she attempted to walk through the metal detector she was again asked to remove her shoes. She was last seen rustling a pair of blue plastic socks in disgust.
The Easy Jet flight to Ibiza wasn't full thank heavens and the crew were really friendly and sweet. I have to say that Easy Jet are the best of the budget airlines but you still have to put up with a lot of hostility before you get onto the flight. I guess pre-boarding is where most of the drama occurs because of all the surprise hidden charges they throw at you if you forget to read the small print. The check in staff must get so much abuse and that must be why so many of them are so moody and defensive? Anyway, the flight was direct and got us to Ibiza early enough to spend most of the day relaxing and that's why we are here.
I don't do holidays as a rule, although I'm finally beginning to realize how much fun doing nothing can be. Over the years I've had many messy trips to Ibiza and I usually needed a holiday after each visit. These days I only go to Ibiza's legendary clubs if I'm employed as a DJ, I don't know many DJs who can stand to listen to someone else playing even if they tell you otherwise. You always think you could do a much better job unless your listening to one of the DJ gods like Carl Cox or Danny Tenaglia!
Ibiza is still very much the party island and if you want to dance till you drop, get zero sun and leave with a hangover you are still very well catered for. There is, however, a very different side to the island and over the past few years I have seen just how beautiful and tranquil it can be. There's even a very well stocked health food store Natural 2 in Ibiza town now and I managed to get a slice of raw carrot cake at 'Passion' one of the islands best eateries and juice bars situated in Playa D'en Bossa run by the lovely Lana. km5 on the San Jose rd is another gorgeous place to eat where you can listen to a live DJ playing soothing house while you dine al fresco under palm trees.
The villa we have rented is huge and needs to be as there is quite a mob. My sister Siobhan, husband Craig, kids Molly and Zech, mum, friends Dawn and Sean and toddler Luka and various other friends will be piling in over the next ten days. The house sleeps fifteen comfortably and we will be full to capacity. This is one of the most stylish villas I have stayed in. It is peppered with camp chandeliers and beautiful Buddha's and set in beautiful grounds with a lovely pool. Below, little Luka tells us he is both Justin Bieber and Justin Bieber's little brother and the whole gang says hi.
On Saturday I played at Space for the Cafe Ole night and it was quite amazing. Space is one of the largest clubs on the island and holds up to 6,000 people. The promoters pull out all the stops and the theme for the night was "superheroes." Before I took to the decks we were treated to a performance of Bonnie Tyler's high-energy hit "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by some fierce drag queen dressed as wonder woman! The stage was littered with gorgeous muscle men in Gaga-esque superheroes costumes that left little to the imagination! Sadly I missed the arrival of the goddess Amanda Lepore, who was flown in to illuminate Cafe Ole's opening night, but there are huge posters of her all over the island. Ibiza is the most gay-friendly place on earth and the presence of Ms. Lepore sent the island into a frenzy. This is one place you are free to be whatever you choose to be! Below, a video of me putting on my face.
Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and I had to leave Ibiza
for an overnight trip to Sardinia in Italy. Next week I'm off to Tel
Aviv for gay pride and then back to Ibiza next Saturday before heading
to Manchester. I could do with another month on the island but duty
calls!
It's 6 a.m and the Ibiza airport is brimming, or should I say dripping with people who have come straight from the disco to catch their flights.The place was brimming, or should I say dripping, with people who have come straight from the disco to catch their flights. There are now clubbing shops in the airport, including Pacha, Amnesia and The "f..k me I'm famous" brand which tells us that the tourist board has finally surrendered to the clubbing culture that put the island on the map or has at least decided to cash in. There are now huge opening hour restrictions on clubs and bars which I'm told is an attempt to attract families rather than ravers. Mind you, I spotted lots of normal family types who had decked there kids out in tiny Pacha t-shirts and as far as I know you have to be at least eighteen to get into Pacha! I guess there's confusion all round.
While we checking for our flight to Milan (next stop) I heard my name being shouted out by some frazzled British yob but I didn't flinch. I still employ that Quentin Crisp policy "walk fast and avoid eye contact." It seems to work! The miserable toad who checked us in told me I had to put my CD case into my shoulder bag which was annoying because I had already scaled down by putting my much larger Louis Vitton hat box into my suitcase. "Only one carry on bag," he snarled so I said I would put one into the other and walked away hoping I'd never see him again. No such luck, grumpy balls was at the gate and again he started on about my carry on luggage. I should have insisted my Mulberry shoulder bag was actually a handbag because all the women seemed to have both handbags and carry cases. I must learn how to say "I'm a women for gods sake" in Spanish or something more coy like "that's no way to treat a pre-op transsexual!"
I reluctantly shoved the CD case into my bag and walked mumbling something hateful and I heard him say "is there a problem?" Again I walked fast and avoided eye contact while thinking "only your face!" Childish, I know, but I warned you about me and mornings.
The on-flight staff were adorable (there seems to be a theme here). Although one of the stewardesses kept bringing us sandwiches we hadn't ordered.
PREVIOUSLY:
Boy George Presents: Postcards from the Edge of My Bed-lam
Boy George Presents: Postcards from the Edge of My Bed-lam: Loving Prince Not Matter What
Boy George Presents: Postcards from the Edge of My Bed-lam: Lady Gaga's Scratch and Sniff Confession
Airports are stressful places, travel is no longer a breeze, it takes more than a cocktail and a smile these days. You needs guts of steel, especially when you are about to board one of those budget airlines. I'm all for cheap and accessible air travel but it's the lack of love that gets to me. Traveling on these budget airlines is like going to a pound shop and getting a kick in the eye!
We checked in at Gatwick airport around 5 a.m., the young woman at the 'speedy check in' counter was frosty "can you remove your sunglasses." Of course, it was a perfectly reasonable request but there's a way of asking. I felt like saying 'no' just to be childish. Well, it's hard to embody the light at that hour of the morning! Thankfully, most people struggle to "embody the light" or even a grain of humanity at 5 a.m so I wasn't alone. I'm so not a morning person. I must work on that!
The next stage of travel (security) is always the worst. I'm grateful that there are strident security checks but why can't it be done with a smile and why do people insist on wearing belts, watches and heaps of jewellery? It would be much easier if everyone wore stretch pants, flat shoes and kept it simple. I bet the African lady in front of me wished she had chosen a different pair of shoes. she protested in vain when she was asked to remove them. 'I am in bare feet, "I just cannot walk in bare feet", she complained. "Madame, please remove your shoes," she was told again while everyone in the queue rolled their eyes and shuffled on the spot. Eventually she was told to "just go through" but when she attempted to walk through the metal detector she was again asked to remove her shoes. She was last seen rustling a pair of blue plastic socks in disgust.
The Easy Jet flight to Ibiza wasn't full thank heavens and the crew were really friendly and sweet. I have to say that Easy Jet are the best of the budget airlines but you still have to put up with a lot of hostility before you get onto the flight. I guess pre-boarding is where most of the drama occurs because of all the surprise hidden charges they throw at you if you forget to read the small print. The check in staff must get so much abuse and that must be why so many of them are so moody and defensive? Anyway, the flight was direct and got us to Ibiza early enough to spend most of the day relaxing and that's why we are here.
I don't do holidays as a rule, although I'm finally beginning to realize how much fun doing nothing can be. Over the years I've had many messy trips to Ibiza and I usually needed a holiday after each visit. These days I only go to Ibiza's legendary clubs if I'm employed as a DJ, I don't know many DJs who can stand to listen to someone else playing even if they tell you otherwise. You always think you could do a much better job unless your listening to one of the DJ gods like Carl Cox or Danny Tenaglia!
Ibiza is still very much the party island and if you want to dance till you drop, get zero sun and leave with a hangover you are still very well catered for. There is, however, a very different side to the island and over the past few years I have seen just how beautiful and tranquil it can be. There's even a very well stocked health food store Natural 2 in Ibiza town now and I managed to get a slice of raw carrot cake at 'Passion' one of the islands best eateries and juice bars situated in Playa D'en Bossa run by the lovely Lana. km5 on the San Jose rd is another gorgeous place to eat where you can listen to a live DJ playing soothing house while you dine al fresco under palm trees.
The villa we have rented is huge and needs to be as there is quite a mob. My sister Siobhan, husband Craig, kids Molly and Zech, mum, friends Dawn and Sean and toddler Luka and various other friends will be piling in over the next ten days. The house sleeps fifteen comfortably and we will be full to capacity. This is one of the most stylish villas I have stayed in. It is peppered with camp chandeliers and beautiful Buddha's and set in beautiful grounds with a lovely pool. Below, little Luka tells us he is both Justin Bieber and Justin Bieber's little brother and the whole gang says hi.
On Saturday I played at Space for the Cafe Ole night and it was quite amazing. Space is one of the largest clubs on the island and holds up to 6,000 people. The promoters pull out all the stops and the theme for the night was "superheroes." Before I took to the decks we were treated to a performance of Bonnie Tyler's high-energy hit "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by some fierce drag queen dressed as wonder woman! The stage was littered with gorgeous muscle men in Gaga-esque superheroes costumes that left little to the imagination! Sadly I missed the arrival of the goddess Amanda Lepore, who was flown in to illuminate Cafe Ole's opening night, but there are huge posters of her all over the island. Ibiza is the most gay-friendly place on earth and the presence of Ms. Lepore sent the island into a frenzy. This is one place you are free to be whatever you choose to be! Below, a video of me putting on my face.
Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and I had to leave Ibiza
for an overnight trip to Sardinia in Italy. Next week I'm off to Tel
Aviv for gay pride and then back to Ibiza next Saturday before heading
to Manchester. I could do with another month on the island but duty
calls!It's 6 a.m and the Ibiza airport is brimming, or should I say dripping with people who have come straight from the disco to catch their flights.The place was brimming, or should I say dripping, with people who have come straight from the disco to catch their flights. There are now clubbing shops in the airport, including Pacha, Amnesia and The "f..k me I'm famous" brand which tells us that the tourist board has finally surrendered to the clubbing culture that put the island on the map or has at least decided to cash in. There are now huge opening hour restrictions on clubs and bars which I'm told is an attempt to attract families rather than ravers. Mind you, I spotted lots of normal family types who had decked there kids out in tiny Pacha t-shirts and as far as I know you have to be at least eighteen to get into Pacha! I guess there's confusion all round.
While we checking for our flight to Milan (next stop) I heard my name being shouted out by some frazzled British yob but I didn't flinch. I still employ that Quentin Crisp policy "walk fast and avoid eye contact." It seems to work! The miserable toad who checked us in told me I had to put my CD case into my shoulder bag which was annoying because I had already scaled down by putting my much larger Louis Vitton hat box into my suitcase. "Only one carry on bag," he snarled so I said I would put one into the other and walked away hoping I'd never see him again. No such luck, grumpy balls was at the gate and again he started on about my carry on luggage. I should have insisted my Mulberry shoulder bag was actually a handbag because all the women seemed to have both handbags and carry cases. I must learn how to say "I'm a women for gods sake" in Spanish or something more coy like "that's no way to treat a pre-op transsexual!"
I reluctantly shoved the CD case into my bag and walked mumbling something hateful and I heard him say "is there a problem?" Again I walked fast and avoided eye contact while thinking "only your face!" Childish, I know, but I warned you about me and mornings.
The on-flight staff were adorable (there seems to be a theme here). Although one of the stewardesses kept bringing us sandwiches we hadn't ordered.
PREVIOUSLY:
Boy George Presents: Postcards from the Edge of My Bed-lam
Boy George Presents: Postcards from the Edge of My Bed-lam: Loving Prince Not Matter What
Boy George Presents: Postcards from the Edge of My Bed-lam: Lady Gaga's Scratch and Sniff Confession
Your Comment
Posted at 3:26 on Aug 23, 2010
I am very much enjoying your stories Mr. Boy George.. please continue.
Val
USA
Bored as hell at work. :)
Posted at 3:50 on Aug 23, 2010
We have to remember that for "most people" air travel is not a 3-times-a-week ocurrence but very much an exception and they really don't know the rules.
"Belt? Loose change? Shoes? What do you mean I cannot take the 2.5-litre bottle of cola through security?!"
;-)
I find ground staff and all staff in general very friendly. They are always friendly to me at least.
RyanAir have the strictest hand luggage restrictions - one piece of a certain size only! I always get paranoid trying to squeeze everything into my bag, just to find that everybody else happily totters onto the plane with 3 duty-free bags and all. I've never seen them enforce it!
Wearing a large overcoat with pockets stuffed full of stuff helps though - it's a pain in summer, but adds valuable storing space! :)
Posted at 4:37 on Aug 23, 2010
Great blog! :) Haven't we all been in those awkward stuck-your-bag-into-another-bag situations with low cost airlines? Nice to be able to fly cheap, comes at a cost though. Gotta agree all humiliation is usually over once you're on board, cabin crew is almost always awesome.
Posted at 5:33 on Aug 23, 2010
You are absolutely right. This is Annie!
I haven't done much traveling reciently,but if I do my pussy cat must come with me. It's absolutely imperative. Vera E. Wang will loose her mind if left alone too long. I may have to get her a playmate. I totally agree with what you said, and the worse thing is the way they treat your pets. I understand that all pets must go in air cargo. My puss-puss must board with me. Any where I can't go by boat or train I won't be going.
Posted at 6:40 on Aug 23, 2010
OMG FAB
Posted at 7:58 on Aug 23, 2010
I love it ...........so so funny Georgie xxx
Posted at 9:19 on Aug 23, 2010
Great blog George.
Just had the "airport crap" myself as well. It doesn't seem to matter what time I fly, or with whom.. I always get pulled for a "random" search. 300 people in the security queue, I get pulled to go into the "naked" scanner in Manchester. Then I get asked to remove my shoes and put them through another x-ray machine.. And the authoritarian grumps wonder why I complain...
I understand and agree with extra airport security, but I must be the ONLY random person in the UK, as to be pulled every time for extra checks is getting way beyond a joke. Security staff attitudes suck as well. Try a little humor and get hammered even more. Lose lose situation..
I sometimes wonder if it would be viable to convert my car into a boat, that way I could just set sail and avoid all the airport crap!!!
Posted at 9:22 on Aug 23, 2010
Ibiza. When do you move? Pick a luxurious place and settle down. The only way to avoid airports entirely. They OUGHT to be blown up. All of them. All of those rules, you'd think that they were FOR something. We're plagued with Southwest Airlines, here in the United Something Or Other. They pass out plastic red swivel sticks with hearts at the top of them, and when their flight attendents are not former prostitutes, they are would-be go-go dancers. Something about their lawn ornament fathers, with the long white beards and red peaked caps. Oh. Just a note, if you tour America. We are at war with each other, and they take it out on you, every time you stand in line. I do love you, Boy George. And I thank you very much for your magic, your majesty, and your strong influence in my life.
Screaming Fan,
Formerly Sarabeth Sclove
Posted at 10:58 on Aug 23, 2010
George you are so adorable...your writings are wonderfully entertaining and spot on....you make me smile...that's one of the nicest things you can do for a person...I so luv you....hugs
Posted at 1:05 on Aug 24, 2010
watched the bbc tv movie about the early days downloaded of course as i doubt new Zealand would play it but anyway! blood brilliant good work !
Dean
Posted at 12:55 on Aug 24, 2010
This man is such an incredible bore. He really thinks everything he says and does is of such incredible interest just because he's a celebrity. When actually he's incredibly superficial and shallow. I'm very disappointed that Paper Magazine which I used to love can't find anyone more interesting than this has been criminal to write blogs for them.
Go ahead Boy George fans attack me but this is my honest opinion.
Posted at 4:49 on Aug 24, 2010
Calling someone talented and generous of spirit a 'criminal has been' and then refusing to even give your real name is pretty low. Actually, I find Boy's blog's sweet, funny and lighthearted and he has done far more to brighten the universe than most of those who criticize him. He has, as far as I know paid for his crimes and sorted his life out. Surely, that is to be admired. Look forward to the next installment.
Posted at 11:04 on Aug 24, 2010
You make me feel different emotions when I read your blog Mr.Boy!
Simple, direct, human and pretty funny. Quentin Crisp policy "walk fast and avoid eye contact" works for you sometimes I see, LOL! Maybe I would employ that when my boss call me with his energic voice to give me some f**** instructions again HA!
Serously... your blog is great. You know... you are Great!
keep on bloging!
Posted at 3:27 on Aug 25, 2010
Grumpy balls. Miserable toad.
LOL! Funny!
Posted at 4:33 on Aug 25, 2010
"!Por el amor de Dios! !Soy una mujer! !Soy una diosa!" ("For the love of God -- I am a woman! I am a goddess!")
When it's 5 am and you're finding it hard to embody the light, look in the mirror and say, "!Buenos dias que hermosa diosa!" ("Good morning, you gorgeous goddess!")
Posted at 2:11 on Aug 25, 2010
great story georgina love ibiza to xx
Posted at 5:28 on Aug 25, 2010
Nice reading. Thanks for sharing, George.
I can totally recognize myself in this.
Airports are bad - especially for non-morning people.
Traveling around midnight is much better :)
Best,
Tiffany
Posted at 3:15 on Aug 31, 2010
Your nephew is adorable and it's great to see you happy again!
G.
USA
Posted at 3:39 on Sep 02, 2010
How is Boy George generous? Yes, he can put on an act and pretend to be nice like this blog. But anyone who has ever met him in a club know how bitchy rude and horrible he can actually be. He has built his whole career on bitching out other artists, Madonna, George Michael, Elton John and even the members of his own band, Culture Club. Read his books and interviews over the years and you will see the real George who is far from generous.
He is only acting nice now because he is desperate to get his career back. If he is so talented and great why hasn't he released a new album in years and years. And his voice is shot now. Listen to his recent recordings on youtube and you can see that.
He can fool some of you, but not me. I know the real George, not the phony media creation.
Posted at 2:54 on Sep 07, 2010
to "no name"
boy George id not criminal, what he did was personal, the problem he is under the spotlight because he is a celebrity, I’m sure you did worst than he did, don't make yourself a judge, judging people like you are the wise and the ideal person, we are all make mistakes cause we are human beings, we learn from mistakes, you are no exception, George was punished for what he did, although in my opinion he was not mistaken, he doesn’t deserve to be jailed, or doing a community service please close this issues and stop repeating the same words everywhere, George is brave man he wants to live the moment and continue with his life he doesn’t want to be kept in the past, and being judged for the rest of his life, furthermore, what he did was up to him, how about respecting his privacy and personal life. and next time put your name don't hide.
Posted at 2:30 on Sep 11, 2010
all in all sounds like an interesting trip with a very tedious check in at the airport
Posted at 2:33 on Sep 25, 2010
Nashville will be waiting for your next tour.. Stay well.