You can have your Matrix or Godfather Trilogies, I'll take the new MGM DVD of The Happy Hooker Trilogy! Watched all three over the weekend and they were sleazy and insane... Based on the best-selling book by notorious "Madam" Xaviera Hollander the first film, The Happy Hooker (1975), is a straightforward account with Lynn Redgrave in the lead as Xaviera, a pretty girl from South Africa who arrives in America thinking she's engaged only to meet the mother-in-law from hell (a funny Elizabeth Wilson). So what's a girl to do? She starts tricking and riding her bike around Manhattan spreading love and happiness. Other actors like Jean-Pierre Aumont and Tom Poston show up and the movie's a lot of fun.

The second film is bonkers: The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington (1977) stars sex kitten Joey Heatheton as Xaviera, forced to testify in front of Congress before a special committee about sexual hijinks in politics... George Hamilton plays her very tan lawyer, and Rip Taylor plays a flamboyant gay photographer. It's insane.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (1980) stars the evil queen of many Hammer horror films, Martine Beswick, who is flown to Hollywood when a big studio wants to make a movie about her memoir. This stars Chris Lemmon and Phil Silvers in a wheelchair but there's a staggering funny scene with Batman's Adam West and Richard Deacon (Mel from The Dick Van Dyke Show) in drag!!!! I was up at two in the morning screaming in my apartment with no one to call and it made me crazy. See these movies today! You'll want to beat me up afterwards -- but I don't care.